Clint Hill

A guy who works in the cafeteria where I work lost his son last week. I don’t know anything about how he died, I just know that the cafeteria put out a jar to make donations to the family.

I didn’t drop any money. I don’t know why. My mind kept racing with the thought of pulling $20 and putting it in the jar. But then I’d find myself walking away. Sometimes I don’t understand myself. I noticed that my mind is more existential than my physical being is. My mind wants to reach out to others while my body seems to walk away.

Then walking up the stairs this morning I thought about all the people that die every day. I hadn’t noticed before. But now with Dad and Grandma I notice everything. I noticed that there are people all around me grieving in some way. Everyone has lost someone.

I wanted to say to the guy in the cafeteria “I’m sorry for your loss”. But my throat got tight and I could feel emotion crawling up my back. So I just nodded. He smiled and saluted me like he does at lunch. I noticed that there are probably a lot of people that I interact with each day that have some form of grief and because I don’t know I treat them as all is well. And they play the part.

It makes me notice that I don’t say “how are you?” enough. Dad did all the time.